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VERIFIED VIDEO REVIEWS ABOUT JEFF LERNER!
Command Respect in Business with Jeff Lerner
Command Respect in Business with Jeff Lerner
I'm currently a full-time affiliate marketer. I've been doing it for almost 10 years and have been consistently making money every month since day one. I love the product because it helps me make more money, even though I already run a successful business (that's my mission statement). The "system" is easy to use and understand, plus Jeff is always available to help you out whenever you need him. It has helped increase my affiliate cash flow (which increases your income) as well as improve my social media conversion rate. Overall, this is an awesome product that will definitely help anyone who wants to get started in online marketing/affiliate marketing!
Are you looking to make your way in the world? To find success and prestige, there are a few key things that you need in order to be successful. Jeff Lerner is here to give you some of his best tips on how to live out your dreams and take the world by storm. 1. Focus on your goals and values
If you want to be successful, there is one thing that you need to do. And this will not be an easy task. You have to focus like a laser on what you are trying to do, and why you are doing it. You need to make decisions that are going to get in the way of your true passion. These decisions will be difficult, they may feel wrong at the time, but in the long run they will help you define your values and goals. When you can focus on what you feel is right for you, you will find that the going gets a lot easier. But this is hard to do. 2. Do not be afraid to failWith any new venture that you start, there is going to be failure involved. You can succeed if you keep your eyes on the prize and work hard. However, it won’t happen overnight. So don’t be disappointed when things are not working out
How to be successful in business
How to be successful in business
One way to be successful in business is to make sure you know your worth and that you are paid as such. You need to know all of your skills, talents, and contributions, both past and future. The only person who can tell you what this is worth to the company is the hiring manager or the owner. When negotiating salary, be flexible if needed but don't give up too much of your value. How to be a successful manager. One way to be a successful manager is to trust your employees and let them make the decisions that affect their work. You should also give them clear goals and expectations, but let them run with these objectives. While you can provide guidance, don't micro-manage as this will cause employees to feel as though they are not trusted or important in the process. You should also make sure that your employees know what's expected of them. Make sure you are clear on the purpose of their work, and how they can affect the company through it. Another way to be a successful manager is to be consistent with your expectations for employees. You should make sure that you set these expectations at the beginning of employment and review them periodically throughout an employee's tenure. For example, if there are performance expectations, you should make sure these are clearly communicated from day one and then
Getting your employees on board
Getting your employees on board
One of the worst things that can happen to a company is when they lose control. That's why it's important to make sure that employees are on board with your vision and goals. Otherwise, you're going to have a lot of trouble in the long run. Make sure you emphasize their input and listen more than you talk. It'll be worth it in the end! What are some other ways that you deal with employee turnover? We'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below! Photo Credit: Shutterstock, Pixabay , Unsplash
Building a culture you want
Building a culture you want
Jeff Lerner points out that some people may be eager to rise to the top of an organization, but not willing to make the necessary sacrifices. This should be something you're ready for if you want to build a culture with your ideals and values. He shares advice on how to create a cohesive and sustainable company culture, including identifying core leadership, "relentlessly pursuing excellence," and maintaining consistency in your vision. My favorite quote: "People are the most important asset in your business. Therefore, they need to be treated that way."
Building a culture you want. Jeff Lerner points out that some people may be eager to rise to the top of an organization, but not willing to make the necessary sacrifices. This should be something you're ready for if you want to build a culture with your ideals and values. He shares advice on how to create a cohesive and sustainable company culture, including identifying
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🎙️ Podcast 👉 The Affluent Entrepreneur Show – www.MelAbraham.com/ShowLive
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***
The entire conversation was good to hear but, 53 min in; what was said about saying “yes” was extremely important to me. Thank you guys.
3
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Thank you for such a powerful message! I do tend to worry about the price of my offer right now, but as you say, I'll put it out there and be secure of who I am and know that I'm giving them the best offer they can ever get :)
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Perfect Timing. I needed to hear this. Believe in MY Worth. Thank you
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Amazing video, I love these podcasts
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Mind Blowing 🤯 🤩
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How to Win Friends & Influence People
How to Win Friends & Influence People
Audible Audiobook – Unabridged
Audible Audiobook – Unabridged
Dale Carnegie (Author), Andrew MacMillan (Narrator), Simon & Schuster Audio (Publisher)
4.7 out of 5 stars
You are able to pursue that job want...and achieve it! You can accept your job that you have...and enhance it! You can tackle any situation that you're in...and use it to benefit you!
Simon & Schuster Audio is pleased to present one of the top-selling books ever Dale Carnegie's bestseller How to Make Popularity and Influence Others which is now available in all its completeness.
Over the past 60 years, the tried and true advice contained in this audiobook led thousands of well-known people to success in their professional or personal lives.
This audiobook is truly amazing you will learn:
The six methods to get people to more like you
The 12 methods to attract people over to your way of thinking
The nine ways to influence people's attitudes without stirring feelings of resentment
Plus, much more!
There's a place for advancement, if you are aware of... How to make friends and influence People.
Reviewed in the United States on September 5, 2017
I wish I had purchased this book sooner.
Dale Carnegie's advice has remained constant and applicable across the years for a reason. It's simple and his techniques make perfect sense. If you're anything like me, you'll be kicking yourself when you see how you could have handled situations differently. I'm being transformed from a socially awkward, timid and defensive person, to someone that seems collected and confident.
If you're having troubles in life and simply can't figure out what you're doing wrong, this is a fantastic place to start. Good luck on your journey!
676 people found this helpful
A book essential to any working professional's toolbox.
Reviewed in the United States on November 26, 2017
I would like to begin the review by stating I have always found the title of this book incredibly off-putting. I understand that it is meant to draw a customer’s attention, but the title, to me, does not at all represent the product. This book is not a self-help book for people who want to make friends. It is a book that reiterates the basic tenants of leadership in a work environment. Point being, don’t let the kitsch title keep you from giving this book a chance, there is good information here.
My father handed this book to me when I was a young adult and I was about to make the leap into the working world. He told me that it held the keys to effective leadership. I bucked against reading it for a while before finally relenting (I was a precocious teenager and obviously already knew everything the world had to offer), and again, the title of the book seriously repelled me. Since initially relenting, I have now read this book multiple times throughout the years, and it never fails to pull me back into reality.
From time to time I even find myself subconsciously summarizing Carnegie while hosting leadership training or while mentoring my workers. This almost always prompts me to pick the book back up again. (I really enjoy reading through all of the notes I've scribbled in the margins over the years. It's always an interesting dive into your own subconscious through the ability to see such a time capsule: what is basically a time-stamped example of opinions and the ever-changing priorities of your own ideals. That is neither here nor there though; my love for actual physical books as well as my preference for writing my responses and opinions all over the pages is not really relevant to this review. Just a tangent.)
What I find so intriguing about Carnegie's concepts are that they are so obviously all just common sense. There are absolutely *zero* revelations here. You will learn nothing new about interpersonal relationships, leadership, or mentorship; every new chapter that you embark on is so 'in-your-face' obvious that you almost want to smack your own forehead like an over-dramatic soap opera star; stating "OF COURSE".
Despite this fact; (I personally feel) it really is important to read all of these *truths* of life... ironically enough, exactly because they are such common sense statements:
** The "well, duh" aspect of Carnegie's "rules" is the very same trait that allows us to breeze right on past them in our daily life. **
Because every single one of these "rules" is a statement that we all assume to be an innate and universally understood fact of human life, they are never actually in the forefront of our minds. This means that they become almost immediately forgettable because we already understand them to be true - and therefore we assume that they already inform our behavior; but in reality, we have simply acknowledged them as truth and stuffed them into a tiny little corner of our memory.
Reading Carnegie's book shines a spotlight onto that corner, blows the mounds of dust off these ideas, and prompts us to compare our recent behaviors against these "known" truths.
This is the reason why I have read Carnegie's book so many times. For me, it almost feels like re-orienting your personal compass. No matter how many times I pull these rules to the forefront of my consciousness, because of their nature as such obvious truths, they always subtly begin to slip back into the recesses of my mind. I like to pull out this book every so often and give my brain a nice jolt. There is no need to even sit down and read the entire book at once, it is organized as a list that is already categorized into sections relative to specific sub-tasks involved in interpersonal communication.
“How to Win Friends and Influence People” is one of Warren Buffett’s favorite books, so if you’re a working professional that’s probably enough to pique your interest. It was originally written in 1937 and draws key wisdom from the lives of Abraham Lincoln and contemporary psychology of the time, namely the works of Sigmund Freud. Despite this, the information remains relevant - which I find to be quite a feat. Many of the statements Carnegie makes are actually reminiscent of Skinner’s operant conditioning, although I don’t believe he ever outright states this.
To give a brief summary, the book is broken into segments titled: “techniques in handling people”, “ways to make people like you”, “win people to your way of thinking”, and “be a leader: how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment”. Each of these segments includes chapters that explain the subsequent “rules” and provide interesting examples. Again, I would like to point out that this is not a book for people looking to make friends; despite one of some of the segment titles, such as: “ways to make people like you”, it does not preach methods of fostering friendships - instead this particular segment is pertinent to leadership because of Carnegie’s statement earlier on that: people will never do anything unless they actually *want* to do so. This is a truth of life; you can use your position of power to compel (force) a person into completing a task, but unless you create an actual want or desire within that person, they will cease their actions as soon as that power is removed (or you turn your back). Thus, the segment about making people like you provides rules that are geared toward earning your worker’s trust and respect so that they actually want to work for you, vice using your position of power to essentially strong-arm them into doing your bidding.
Here are the segments and rules:
Techniques in Handling People:
Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Six Ways to Make People Like You:
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile.
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
Win People to Your Way of Thinking:
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “you’re wrong”.
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatize your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment:
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Again, this all seems like common sense when you read it, but in practice it does become much more difficult to stick to - especially when you personally are put-off (or simply just dislike) one or some of the people that you work with on a daily basis. It’s also difficult to remember that you are not always the person in the position of power; often you are on the other end of these situations and must give up the controlling position in the conversation - let them lead.
It’s key to keep in mind (and Carnegie reiterates this) that no matter what situation you walk into, whether you are the person who is leading the change, or whether you are the person who needs to undergo change, the person with whom you are conversing ALWAYS believes that they are superior to you in some way. It does not matter how exceptional or horrible their work performance may be, they truly and sincerely believe that they are the superior person even if they do not state this, and even if they pander to you as if you are someone they look up to.
Carnegie also emphasizes how important it is to avoid arguments. He states that even if you “win” an argument you are still the loser. The results are all negative. You never want to humiliate a person, you will loose the trust and respect that you’ve worked to build. He quotes and old saying “A man convinced against his will/Is of the same opinion still”; meaning they may relent in the moment, but in actuality you may have solidified their original opinion by putting them in a position to defend it. Its quite difficult to avoid arguments because it’s human nature to meet aggression with aggression - we have to consciously make the choice to sit back and let a person release their ill-will without meeting them there. Take that verbal beating!
The biggest point I always get from reading this book is how paramount and fragile the human ego is. It’s the driving factor behind the opinions and actions of every human on earth. At the end of the way, everyone is concerned with themselves. There are no truly selfless acts, someone is always “getting something” (fulfilling some need) from their actions, even if it is simply a feeling of importance or happiness. Every single person on earth is starved for attention and/or recognition in some way. They want to be seen, no matter if they are willing to admit this to others (or even to themselves). If you can fulfill that need for them, you’ve got them. It is so key to simply make it known that “I see you”.
Anyway, I know this is a long and winding review, but my points are thus: if you are looking for a self-help book that will provide teachings on how to make friends, this is not for you. If you are a working professional who is, or may be placed into, a position of leadership - this book is definitely for you. Even if you do not think you need any advice (because you’ve obviously already the best!), this book is priceless. It not only provides you insight into your own actions, but gives you a window into the actions and choices of those you work with/for. As stated, we are not always the main player in a situation, sometimes we are the person that this book talks about dealing with. Sitting back and letting the other person take charge (while understanding where they are coming from) also makes us better workers. Everyone is both a subordinate and a leader; everyone has someone else they answer to. A full birds-eye view of the situation can only provide us with more tools for our toolbox!
576 people found this helpful
Reviewed in the United States on May 5, 2015
My Dad gave me a copy of this when I graduated highschool in the 90s but I wasn't "ready" for it yet, I don't even think I read it to be honest. Now I'm 37 and realizing that I've put my personal growth on the back burner for entirely too long. I had pretty much given up on making new adult friends. I had actually self-diagnosed myself with Asperger's because I was having such a difficult time trying to figure out why people (including myself) do the things that do. The realization that my marriage was being effected by my nearly empty toolbox of social skills promoted me to take personal responsibility and shoulder the blame myself for once instead of blaming everyone around me for everything. I grew up with a hypercritical Mother so I think I had promised myself that I would never be criticized again, even if that meant writing people off the instant I felt like I had made myself vulnerable enough to be hurt by them.
I couldn't find the copy that my dad gave me so I ordered a new one and chapter 1 alone is changing the way I look at EVERYTHING. I've been plagued with mild depression/anxiety for 20 years and I'm realizing that I've developed some unhealthy defense mechanisms to cope with these issues. I never turned to drugs or alcohol, but the fortress-like walls I've constructed to deal with criticism (real or perceived) aren't much better for me. I've re-read and taken notes on the first section of the book several times now and my wife is noticing and she seems quite relieved, i had no idea I could impact another persons life so strongly.
Like I said, I am only getting started with the book and it has already helped me enough to warrant a 5-star rating. This book has stood the test of time for a reason and I can see why now. The strategies are applicable to and helpful in all aspects of my life so far, from my marriage to my job, and even to the way I interact with clerks in gas stations. I've read numerous self help books in the past, seen a therapist for 3 years, been through the gauntlet of antidepressants, etc, and until now I thought I was wasting my time. I've been learning things all along, but I never learned how to actually apply the things I had learned until now. This book speaks my language and if your background sounds even remotely similar I have a feeling that you'll agree.
2,171 people found this helpful
Reviewed in the United States on March 20, 2018
Must read for people, like me, who are not "great" in communication and charisma. You need to allocate some attention and time to this book, as it is not from the type of books that you go through them just once. Be prepared to thorogh reading and making notes, and you will notice how your social life, I can say the whole life changes after reading merely several chapters.
Definitely in my list of 10 best self-improvment books.
Reccomend
but I found that it could be easy for a person to react quickly to conflicts
Reviewed in the United States on November 12, 2016
In my honest opinion, several principles in this book are repeated around the book. I don't see it as a disadvantage, because repetition is the key to learning. I did think several of the principles explained in the book are common sense, but I found that it could be easy for a person to react quickly to conflicts. This book has taught me the importance of staying in control and how beneficial it is to be in control of our behaviors and act in a way of service to others. The examples described in the book made it simpler to understand the concepts that Dale is teaching. I recommend this book if you would like to improve your skills with people. This book is especially beneficial for those who are working on their businesses and close relationships.
This book is divided into four parts. The first half of the book discusses techniques in handling people and how to have people like you. The final half of the book gives instructions about how to win people to our own thinking and how to be a leader by changing people without offending them or causing resentment.
In the first part of the book, it is divided into three principles. The first principle emphasizes the importance of avoiding criticism and he describes working with people as: working with people of logic. He further describes complaining and criticizing as a foolish task to do and how it takes a person of character to understand, forgive, and have self-control. Principle # 2 describes the importance of honest and sincere appreciation. Within this principle he describes the importance of ending our own thinking of accomplishments and desires. Instead, we must put our focus on the other person's good qualities. If being sincere, this will cause people to cherish them in their minds, even years later. The third principle involves influencing the other person to want, but not in a way that is manipulative. With this principle, he describes the importance of self-expression and connects it to the importance of thinking in terms of the other person, so that they come up with your ideas on their own, which they will like more.
Within the second part of the book, it teaches six principles. The first describes how critical it is to become interested in other people because you will make more friends compared to having others interested in you. When he moves onto the second principle, he explains the importance to smile in a heartwarming way because it will brighten the lives of those who see it. Dale then describes the importance to recall a person's name in the third principle. He gives tips on how to remember and then explains how people enjoy the sound of their own name. The fourth principle is about being a good listener and encouraging those to talk about themselves. He then goes onto to explain again that people are more interested in talking about themselves instead of others. He further explains this point in principle five: Talk in terms of the other person's interests. The final step is to sincerely make the other person feel important because this is the "deepest urge in human nature."
Dale describes in the third part of the book the steps to have a person think in terms of your own thoughts. He then explains that it is better to avoid arguments and to show respect for other people's opinions and never tell them they are wrong. because it will further push them away. If there is fault in your own behavior, Dale explains to immediately admit you're wrong without any doubts. If you are upset, he explains to sit down and counsel together, and if there are differences, understand it. Even in some differences, there will be points of agreement. He then explains the importance of agreement and having the person say "yes," at least twice. You doing this by looking into the other person's viewpoint and asking questions that cause them to agree. It is essential to have friends do the talking and have them excel us, instead of excelling them. When this occurs, they will feel important. To further the notion of feeling important, it is important to have the individual create their own ideas. He deepens this idea by asking questions such as, "Why should he or she want to do it?" and then being sympathetic towards their ideas. In order to catch a person's attention, you must dramatise the ideas you have. If all else fails, he explains the importance of competition and how it drives people to feel important and empowered to work efficiently and effectively.
In the final part of the book, Dale again discusses the importance of beginning with praise and honest appreciation. When someone makes a mistake, call to their mistakes indirectly. This can be done my making their mistakes your own and explaining the importance of fixing it and why it gave you a disadvantage. He then explains the importance of asking questions that direct the person you’re speaking to, to obtain your idea on their own. He emphasizes the importance of having the person be saved from embarrassment, and then explains the importance of praise again, even if it is small. Dale then gives examples of giving a person a reputation that makes them better, in order to have the person be motivated to improve. After giving someone a reputation to live up to, encourage the person to correct their faults and make them happy to do the actions you suggest.
661 people found this helpful
Reviewed in the United States on November 24, 2018
Seriously. This book is insane! I read it ~8 months ago (March 2018) and it change my whole view of the world. Since reading it, I use the lessons in it every day and have become a more effective communicator because of it. The top 3 lessons I learned are:
1. always use people's names
2. ask others questions about themselves
3. talk in terms of the other person's interests
At first, I was apprehensive about buying this book because the title, to me, seemed kind of "sleazy" but this book is nothing but gold! You have to buy it. I promise it will change your view of the world and improve your life. This is coming from a high schooler, so the lessons are applicable for all age groups and types of people. You have to pick it up today
Life Changing Read. A must own.
Reviewed in the United States on January 5, 2018
This book is a MUST read for anyone, but particularly if you are in management or sales. This book changed my life in the way that I interact with people. I would highly recommend this book to ANYONE because it teaches everyone valuable lessons about human interaction. This book covers a wide range of topics such as how to motivate people, how to win them to your way of thinking, but also covers small and often overlooked things such as the importance of remembering someone's name (and tips for how to do so). Get a hard copy and read it several times, then pass it on to someone you know who could use help with becoming a better "people person".
52 people found this helpful
An outdated classic or a contemporary gem? Read on for a detailed review and summary..
Reviewed in the United States on June 20, 2020
An outdated classic or a contemporary gem? Do we need an introduction here? “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is the all-time classic and best-selling book in the categories of self-help / personal development. Read and utilized by millions of people across the world. I remember being introduced to this book by my dad long time ago, when I was too young to appreciate the benefits of such a book. 15 years later, I found myself reading it ferociously. It’s no surprise why. An easy to read manuscript divided into small easily-digestible chunks with practical advice and examples to back each advice up. Dale Carnegie did not just decide one day to write a book about strategies of personal relationships. Before writing the book he taught thousands of people on such techniques and through his classes and seminars heard and analyzed myriads of stories of success and failure in human relationships. This book is the result of a lifetime of work and experience in human psychology and relationships.
Still though, the question of whether the advice in this book is dated remains. My take is that, the advice and examples given are indeed a tiny bit dated. However the overarching theme of each chapter and the takeaway messages are as strong and relevant now as ever. Here’s what you should get out of this book.
(1) TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE
* Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
* Give honest and sincere appreciation.
* Arouse in the other person an eager want.
(2) WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
* Become genuinely interested in other people.
* Smile.
* Remember that a persons’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
* Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
* Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
* Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.
(3) HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
* The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
* Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong”.
* If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
* Begin in a friendly way.
* Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
* Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
* Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
* Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
* Appeal to the nobler motives.
* Dramatize your ideas.
* Throw down a challenge.
(4) HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENSE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT
* Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
* Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
* Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
* Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
* Let the other person save face.
* Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise”.
* Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
* Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
* Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
5 people found this helpful
Reviewed in the United States on July 23, 2017
It takes something extraordinary for a book to remain a best seller fully 80 years after it was first published. Dale Carnegie wrote this book in 1937, offering practical advice in how to get along with others, understand their point of view, and influence them to your own.
It is a testament to the importance of human relationships that even now, in fact ESPECIALLY now, in our internet age and when many of our interactions are via e-mail or text or social media, there continues to be a realization of the importance of human to human contact and relationship.
Carnegie understood the basics of relationships and was particularly effective in expressing how the reader can improve his or her own abilities, in an understandable way, frequently using anecdotes or stories to illustrate key principles.
Just as he teaches the importance of listening, the book should be read in a thoughtful way and with time taken to really consider the points being made. Give them time to be fully absorbed, and use them in daily life.
There are very few people who are so good at relationships that they could not learn something from this book. And periodic re-readings will reinforce the lessons learned and bring out new points that may not have been absorbed in first readin
Reviewed in the United States on May 28, 2021
Despite being decades old, the advice given couldn’t be anymore relevant. Even in the age where virtually everything is digital, many of these guidelines still apply today. The prose is very flowing and simple. Sure, there’re a few words here and there that are rarely used nowadays, but the points are well described and have good examples to back them up; Historical and recent at the time.
My only concern is that some of the advice may actually be a little manipulative and won’t always in certain scenarios. My biggest concern is the one about criticism. I’m kind’ve split on that. If it’s done to be nasty, that’s one thing. However, if it’s constructive, you should listen and try to apply. It’s good to praise your workers, but under certain circumstances, it can be a bit manipulative and even unproductive. You should never be rude though.
Even with these concerns, this’s a good book I highly recommend everyone read at least once in their life. This has a lot of useful info. It is the father of self-help books after all. Find yourself a copy and see for yourself.
2 people found this helpful
Reviewed in the United States on August 24, 2018
I spend a lot of time with people that vary in age. As I read this book the techniques here day by day helped me to see myself in my interactions with them. We as a society are a verity of people. Each of us affected by our influences before we meet each other. While reading this book and seeing my own contribution to other people in maintaining what they have been told about themselves by my lack of understanding how to help them and myself get the results we all desire in life, that is to feel valued and appreciated. This book taught me how to do that. It will be a work in progress. This is a book of reference that will help to make the most of your relationships with others better. When applied you will see and feel the change in yourself. That is the purpose for reading this book to change how you interact with others and how to lift them up so they find their purpose. In the end we find ours. To treat others so they love themselves and this teaches us how to love ourselves.
8 people found this helpful
I wish I had read this book when I was much younger
Reviewed in the United States on September 28, 2020
Some books you just wish you had read it when you were young...then I realized I did read this book, and it didn't help me a thing! But I couldn't help but imagine how different my career could be if I had internalized these lessons. I guess there is no do-over in life, so most people, like me, are just average.
Here are the 10 lessons I've learned from the first ten chapters of thirty:
1. If there is a fault, it's always other people's fault
I used to imagine the manager who had wronged me would feel guilty. No, he won't.
2. Everyone "Needs" to feel important
I know one guy started hallucinating after losing his status. This urge is so strong that can make people insane. Treat everyone as he is important.
3. Use what others want, not what you want, to make things work
Gosh, a lot of deals could have gone through if I had learned this no-brainer.
4. People always look for themselves first in a group picture
Aren't you? I can't believe I did that even when my cute daughter was in the picture.
5. Smile
6. Know the importance of a person's name
We, beside the successful few, are all bad at remembering people's names.
7. The best customer representative is the best listener
It works with the wife too.
8. Talk about other's interests, not yours
Only at reading this "Lawyer and the Body" story, I realized I did have read this book when I was very young.
9. Make others feel important
Same idea as # 2. You will also like the person who makes you feel important.
10. Don't argue if you want to sell anything
Now I understand why "the customer is always right." It's not like they are really right...it's because you don't want to argue with them.
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4 people found this helpful
Reviewed in the United States on February 19, 2021
This is an extremely powerful book. If taken seriously, it can transform the way you view each and every social interaction with another living being. A couple of points:
1st: The thing is, if not careful, this book can quickly turn into 'How to manipulate others, have it backfire, and be miserable." Friendships are two way streets, this book only shows you your way. Don't get upset when you're putting in your half, gain a friend, and realize your new friend isn't a very nice one. Making friends is a marathon, not a sprint. But I know most of the personalities who pick up this book hold the idea that it's a friendship cookbook of some sort.
2nd: There's a reason why some people are born with the gift of being extremely likable, and why others read about it. Some people LIKE other people with all of their goodness and their baggage. Once they make friends, they keep them, no resentment, no expectations of the other person, and no trying to change them. Those of us who have to read this book to become likable, unfortunately inevitably end up falling into one of these last groups, and then grow angry with our new friends, ourselves for befriending these people, and with the book for putting us in this position.
3rd: The book tells you in the beginning how it's really not a quick read, and if you really want to learn, it isn't. You should take it in, and ponder ways on how to apply these lessons to your life. I was whole-heartedly planning on reading this in 2-3 days maximum. Then I realized every page and example had a profound effect on me. I had to stop and absorb all of the information, apply it to a lot of my previous, present, and future relationships with people. I recommend it to anyone willing to take it serious, and if not, I'd recommend it to anyone simply because it's an all-time favorite.
4th: As for influencing people...it's an art. We cannot read one cook-book and think we're chefs, nor can we read this book and think we are the masters of social interaction. Once you make friends, you will face hardships regardless of how likable you are. This is not a step-by-step manual on how to deal with these hardships, moreso a variety of tactics to help manage these difficult situations. It's up to you determine WHEN and HOW to apply them. Every situation is different, and you must execute this advice with tact, class, and poise.
Last note: lead by example (saved you 25% of the book). You cannot and will not get anyone to do anything that you yourself can't or won't do. People are spontaneous, and unpredictable; some people are angry, disloyal, vengeful, and traumatized, this advice is more likely to help in these cases, but they are not bulletproof. Having yourself as a backup plan never fails, be your own best friend during these times. It's the key to your happiness.
Overall, I really enjoyed this book. Dale makes an emphasis that when using his advice, your words and actions should be meaningful, thus leaving you with at least the peace of mind that you're not being fake, even if you end up making a whole bunch of friends that aren't so nice. I purchased the kindle version of this book, but will definitely by a physical copy for my library as well!
3 people found this helpful
Reviewed in the United States on July 10, 2021
I always thought this book would be silly until my wife forced me to read it.
Listen to Dale, he'll change your life. It's all so obvious but nobody does it.
The Book That Changed My Life At Age 12!
Reviewed in the United States on February 19, 2022
This was the first personal development book I ever read at age 12. Being a depressed, lonely child with few friends I came across this book by accident at my local library. I remember searching on the computer's library catalog: "how to get friends", and this was the book that came up. Little did I know this book was going to essentially become a Bible for me in developing my social skills throughout my adolescence.
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I took this book with me everywhere I went, including on my camping trips with the Boy Scouts. At first glance, you may read the principles in this book and go: "this is just common sense". But you may have also heard the quote: "common sense isn't common".
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How many of us actively make an effort to genuinely smile and be empathetic towards others? How may of us jump to criticizing others without considering the other person's point of view? How many of us condemn others without remembering it won't make the other person want to change their mind?
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This book, without hyperbole, really changed my life! And while the book does have an aim towards business and sales people, as a teen the ideas still really resonated!
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Seeing some more recent reviews on this book, I am genuinely surprised at the cynicism, one going so far as to call the book "tools for manipulation". The way I see it: this is a book with tools to develop your social skills. As with any tool, it can also be used and abused. It can make for a very effective leader as well as a very effective tyrant. Both Warren Buffett and Charles Manson have cited this book's tools, each of them being on very opposite sides of the moral spectrum.
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Add to that, the author himself says multiple times in the book not to treat his principles as a "bag of tricks". At many points he emphasizes these tools must be used in an honest and genuine manner. If you're going to smile, you got to genuinely find something to smile about. If you're going to praise someone you need to sincerely find something you can praise. If you're going to express appreciation, you need to honestly find something to express appreciation about.
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A passage from Chapter 2: "𝘐𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘶𝘯, 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥. 𝘍𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘪𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺, 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘺? 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦. 𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵; 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘶𝘵. 𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧𝘪𝘴𝘩; 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧𝘪𝘴𝘩. 𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘥𝘮𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥; 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘯𝘦𝘥."
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For those who do read the book, as much as I recommend everyone give it a read, I hope they also use the tools responsibly. Or to quote Spiderman: "𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺".
Reviewed in the United States on July 17, 2020
My father (someone so good, I would consider myself twice as good a person if I were half the man he is) gave me an old edition of this book when I was in college. I only wish he gave it to me sooner. The advice it provides is timeless, and the advice it provides has made me a better person in every way since. NOTE: I don't think anyone can absorb all the lessons to be learned in one read-through. It should be read at least twice, highlighting the big points. Just my two cents. Highly recommended.
5 people found this helpful
Everyone should read this great book.
Reviewed in the United States on July 3, 2019
"The most motivational book of all time." No matter what life presents, "managing personal relationships more effectively," managing all relationships, can improve life. Clear and precise as life allowed in 1937, when first published, this book offers perspectives maybe not possible today without the simpler way life seems to have been prior to technology changes. Certainly having; "a positive approach," or realizing "the majority of success in life depends on our ability to communicate and manage," can make everything in life better. Maybe then, life will become the potential humans are capable of, making the world better for all humanity. Like most things, this book contains information which possibly might prove just the insight needed to improve life. Highly recommend for the fresh direct positive manner. This book resides in the pile of books referred to often for inspiration trying to keep positive. Everything can change and every relationship is another chance to start sharing the change.
Reviewed in the United States on November 20, 2021
I read this many years ago, Has great ideas and tips. I bought it for my son and I have recommended it to others. It shows you how to get along with others and be able to make friends and have people like you and want to be with you. Which is something we all should aspire to do.
2 people found this helpful
Excellent book with lots of commonsense advice that can make this a better world
Reviewed in the United States on May 6, 2020
I really enjoyed reading this book. You will probably already be familiar with a number of the lessons (or so I would hope), but the book serves as an excellent, consolidated refresher on how to be a good human being towards others with the benefit that others will appreciate you more as well. Most of these lessons were familiar to me, but resided mostly in my subconscious. It was great to elevate them to the surface, so I can hopefully apply them more consistently. There were also a number of unique spins on how to think about things differently that I came across and the stories really helped make the lessons sink in.
Given the undue amount of ill-advised, and unproductive, treatment that has always existed between humans (including in the workplace) and continues to exist today, I would say many others could benefit from reading this book and taking the lessons conveyed, which are timeless, to heart.
I plan on keeping a cheat sheet with me to try to remember how I can communicate, and treat others, better.
2 people found this helpful
The non-people person’s guide to dealing with people
Reviewed in the United States on August 29, 2021
For years I figured this book was just a typical book educational institutions shoved at you because it was part of some curriculum. As a result I never paid it any attention. Once I started having to deal with people on a regular basis (and not enjoying it) this book has proven to be very helpful. If you feel that you aren’t a people person this will help you understand them and also realize how much in common we all have with each other.
One person found this helpful
Reviewed in the United States on January 31, 2019
Normally not a big fan of these self help kind of books but this book is the exception. It doesn't read like a self help book as Daniel Carnegie sort of just points out obvious things you've probably known your whole life and refers to them as "Principles." He then gives you examples of how these principles have been applied in real life and how you might apply them. If nothing else, it is an eye opening book that can help us all deal with others in a kinder, more genuine, and ultimately, more beneficial way.
6 people found this helpful
As true today as when it was written
Reviewed in the United States on July 27, 2017
Even if you read this book before, you'll benefit greatly by reacquainting with its messages. I read the book about 30 years ago, but as time went on I wasn't practicing it's teaching's very well. Win Friends was written before I was born, but the message is just as applicable today as then. I began following his advice again, and found people respond well to a smile and considerate attitude and are more likely to return the favor. I should have heeded his urging to reread this book frequently; it would have saved me a lot of heartache.
Another good read is his How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. He's right: many people spend too much time worrying about stuff they really can't control, and a whole lot of the other stuff we obsess isn't worth it. Too many of us agonize about past mistakes that can't be undone anyway. As he advises, don't dwell in the past and miss the future.
8 people found this helpful
Reviewed in the United States on March 15, 2021
When my son was in middle school and got in trouble, as "punishment" I required him to read "How to Win Friends and Influence People." At the time I thought he read it so he could get ungrounded from home. Years went by and when he was about 22 years old, he confessed that reading this book really changed him and helped him learn about helping and "influencing people." He's an attorney now.
2 people found this helpful
Reviewed in the United States on March 15, 2021
Wow wow wow. This is excellent! Couldn’t put it down. Im 30 and wanted something to take marketing and communication skills to the next level and this went beyond my expectations 1000%! A ton of stuff college didn’t go over!
Also this is great communication info for this era of tension with COVID/politics to help avoid or come out stronger if divided convos arise.
Super pumped Thank you!
One person found this helpful
Simple, but effective concepts explained tastefully.
Reviewed in the United States on February 27, 2021
Often, it is not what you know, but who you know that can propel you far in life. In Dale Carnegie’s book “How To Win Friends and Influence People”, seemingly basic concepts of dealing with people are pointed out, and if used properly, can have a profound effect on the people around you. Each concept is backed up by numerous examples, and can easily be tailored for whatever relationship you may have whether that is a stranger, friend, boss, or spouse.
Dale’s writing is old fashioned, but I believe that is part of the charm of this book as it helps to illustrate that these ideas are timeless, and may be used at any stage of life, and any generation. All in all, I highly recommend this insightful book and suggest it be added to anyone’s reading list who wants to improve their understanding of relationships.
One person found this helpful
Great gift for an upcoming military leader
Reviewed in the United States on June 19, 2016
Purchased as a gift to one of my ROTC Cadets to begin their professional library. As part of a class assignment I asked each cadet what book would they no-kidding read, military or not, related to their academic major or not. After I compiled the list of books for the class I went online and ordered all the books from Amazon. I placed them at their seats prior to class and allowed them to enter the room w/o me being present for the first five minutes. It was, and still is, one of the good teaching moments of our time together. Thanks for helping me fulfill a need in their soon-to-be military career.
9 people found this helpful
Reviewed in the United States on June 28, 2019
I have read many books and spend most of my time learning sales and marketing and behavioral economics, I had always passed on reading this book because I thought it was just another self help, personal growth book and I had read enough of those. However when I was impressed upon by one of my mentors in the marketing and sales field to read this book I decided to give it a try. The contents of this book apply to any field and I can truly say that I have seen a dramatic improvement in my work as a result. But the improvement in my overall personal and public life is something that I cannot deny, it feels as if, at once, I just exploded with improvement in every direction. This book is a game changer no matter what field of study or work you’re in. I’m currently trying to bribe my wife to read it as well lol.
One person found this helpful
Reviewed in the United States on September 21, 2017
This book is one of the most personally influential books I've ever read. It has made me a better boss, a better employee, a better husband, father, son, sibling, and friend. It has improve my life and improve my relationships across the board. I reread this book every year or two and have created my own cliff note which I review regularly. I can honestly say this book has changed my life for the better. I cannot recommend it enough.
7 people found this helpful
Reviewed in the United States on October 29, 2021
Great book to have in your personal library! Highly recommend!!
I’ve lost count at how many times I’ve listened to and also read this book. It has improved all my relationships in life. People may not always remember what you have said to them, but they’ll always remember how you made them feel and how you have treated them. Do yourself a favor and order your copy today! The world needs more influential people!
Managing egos--ours and others
Reviewed in the United States on August 3, 2011
First, the book speaks for itself. I can't review it. Enough said.
Second, some people get hung up with the phrase, "Fundamental techniques in handling people," with emphasis on the "technique" and the "handling." to our 21st Century ear, it sounds manipulative, dehumanizing, or even Machiavellian ( The Prince (Dover Thrift Editions) ).
Reread the story found in chapter 9. Dale complimented a man on his head of hair, who took a shine to the compliment.
Dale continues:
"I told this story once in public and a man asked me afterwards, 'What did you want to get out of him?'
"What was I trying to get out of him!!! What was I trying to get out of him!!!
"If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can't radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return--if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve. Oh yes, I did want something out of that chap. I wanted something priceless. And I got it. I got the feeling that I had done something for him without his being able to do anything whatever in return for me. That is a feeling that flows and sings in your memory lung after the incident is past."
This book clearly falls under what Stephen R. Covey calls the character Ethic, as opposed to the Personality Ethic in success literature ( The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change ). It also explains this books enduring power. It is about simple, home-town, Mayberry goodness and kindness.
And it is also about managing egos, which is my third point.
We all have egos,prideful egos, and it is our egos that get us in the way. We always have to be right. We always have to get our way. We always have to have the last word.
And it is our egos that get in the way of dealing with people, because every other person also has an ego.
And that is the rub. How does one control another person's ego all the managing ones own pushy ego. This book offers techniques--that is, patterns, skills, and, yes, habits--of human interaction. Which techniques are, in reality, swallowing one's own ego, and working with the ego-inertia of other people.
Case in point--does Dale advocate lying? In chapter 10, Dale tells of a party he attended. A person said that a quote from Shakespeare was, in reality, from the Bible. It was a small error. But Dale, with a solid Hermione Granger Complex, corrected the speaker.
It didn't go well, and another person at the part affirmed that the quote from the Bard was really from the Bible. As the party was breaking up, Dale asked about why the person lied about the quote.
He replied, "' ... we were guests at a festive occasion, my dear Dale. Why prove to a man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you? Why not let him save his face? He didn't ask for your opinion. He didn't want it. Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle.'"
Again, this book is about managing egos--yours and others.
"The man who said that taught me a lesson I'll never forget. I not only had made the storyteller uncomfortable, but had put my friend in an embarrassing situation. How much better it would have been had I not become argumentative."
Dale didn't lie; the guest guest did. And his point was not to lie--the mollycoddle/doormat/Wormtongue approach--but not to be argumentative. In the cosmic scheme of things, the misattribution of the quote was of no import. But taming, and eventually slaying Dales ego was the most needful thing.
And that is why we should read this book. Our egos are harming, even damaging, our human relations. Not just in the workplace, where we are hurting our careers, but also in the home. Our greatest area of influence should be with our families.
And our spouses should be our greatest friend.
14 people found this helpful
Excellent content, a must read.
Reviewed in the United States on October 12, 2021
I have read this book many times, it’s insights are beneficial for all career fields. I also have the audio version which I listen to on long trips across the state or the country. Mr. Carnegie’s thoughts, experiences and insights are just as practical today as they were when he wrote this book nearly one hundred years ago. His stories are compelling. A must read. You won’t be disappointed.
Absolutely life changing book, applicable to everyone in any circumstances!
Reviewed in the United States on October 12, 2015
I am not an avid reader, in fact, you'll rarely catch me reading a book when I could be listening to the audio book version. Well, I listened to the audio version of this book TWICE, and hung on every word, but found myself forgetting several of the points made or quotes. I decided the best way for me to really internalize this book and apply its principles to my life was to buy a hard copy, read and highlight it.
As a high school track coach, it is very important to me that I have good interpersonal communication skills and am able to quickly create meaningful relationships with my athletes. I have to be able to be a leader, get things accomplished, earn their respect, and motivate them, which can only be done if they like me! This book shares so many great insights into handling your relationships with people, no matter the situation. Doesn't matter if it's your relationship with your spouse, or you're a CEO of a fortune 500 company, this book will help you improve your relationships as long as you're willing to apply the principles discussed.
There's a reason why this book was written roughly 100 years ago, and is still on the top of nearly all lists naming the most influential books. Though some of the stories and imagery are outdated, the principles still ring true today!
Buy this book and start creating the relationships you've always wanted!
5 people found this helpful
Best Read for Business Leadership Principles
Reviewed in the United States on December 1, 2019
This book was suggested to me by a colleague of which I had little respect for due to circumstances at the company. Therefore I went into it with little expectation. I have came out of it a better person! Or so I will strive to be and now have the tools and instruction to lead me. I also now have respect for the colleague and often wonder why he did not follow many if these principles in his journey... There are principles at the end of each chapter. I will be outlining these and hanging them up in my office! It is the stories he tells of which keep it mesmerizing and really give you a "hands on" perspective to what he's trying to instruct. I love it. I only wish someone would have suggested it 20 years ago. My life would have been much better for it. Although, at least now I have the training to make the next 20 better. Thank you, Mr. Carnegie.
One person found this helpful
Reviewed in the United States on December 22, 2018
Read this book. It is everything it is hyped up to be. Using its principles which are basically using the Golden Rule to get your way, has changed my life. I was unemployed, desperate for a new job when I found this book. Immediately after reading, I received an email from a prince in a middle eastern country telling me that all I needed to do was give him my credit card information and he would send me riches beyond my wildest dreams. Coincidence? I think not. Now I am just waiting for the funds to be deposited so I can begin bathing in the tears of my haters.
2 people found this helpful
Reviewed in the United States on November 7, 2021
This is an excellent book for people with poor social skills that want to make improvements. As a professional I will recommend this book to those who have poor social skills.
One person found this helpful
Never a Believer in Self Help Books, But This Book is Excellent!!!
Reviewed in the United States on July 23, 2021
Like I wrote in the title, I have always been skeptical of self help books. I thought they were smoke & mirrors for the most part. However, How To Win Friends & Influence People is time tested, psychology based & has numerous legitimate examples about how to employ a tactic successfully. Many examples are of very famous & highly respected people. I will be recommending this book to my friends & family 110%. Hope this helps if you are anywhere near the fence on whether or not to purchase this book.
This should be required reading for everyone, everywhere
Reviewed in the United States on July 6, 2013
I came into this book with some level of apprehension; the title sounds so manipulative that it is almost off putting. However it was so highly recommended that I knew I needed to try it, and boy was I glad I did.
This isn't so much a book on how to influence people through manipulation as it is an exploration into the workings of the human mind and consciousness. You don't learn how to magically control people, and how to make everyone your friend; rather, you learn how people respond to simple acts of kindness and deference. So many of the things he writes about are so self-evident that the examples he provides are at times not even necessary. What is striking is that this book is written so long ago, and the anecdotes that Carnegie uses would at first though be antiquated; however what really speaks to the power of this book is that even though the problems that he discusses are incredibly out-dated the reader can easily connect to all of them. I found this incredibly interesting, as I, a 28 year old guy was connecting with some man he describes in the story being frustrated in his dealings with the telephone switchboard ladies.
I cannot recommend this book highly enough. This book should be required high school reading, and if I were the CEO of a company all my employees would be required to read it as well.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 18, 2010
I was drawn to this book after reading in Warren Buffett's biography that it was a book he found hugely influential in his own success with dealing with people. Mr. Buffett had countless friends and influenced as many people as anyone in his lifetime, so I had to read it. I was not disappointed, this book has the eloquent writing style that was prominent in the 1930's (the first edition was written in 1936)very charming and well written, it is a delight to read. I really wished I would have read this book twenty years ago. I would have had a much smoother journey through my business career and personal relationships, but alas later is better than never and I look forward to putting what I learned in place for the next fifty years.
Hear is how you win people to your way of thinking in a nutshell. How do you get the best of an argument? Avoid them at all costs, they are not worth the price. Always show respect for others opinions. Never, ever, say "You are wrong." This gains you nothing. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. This is biblical from the mouth of Jesus, no less. Begin all encounters with people in a friendly way. Always get the other person saying yes, by finding common ground. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking, this is perceived as having great listening skills. Let the other person feel that the idea that you are presenting is his or hers. This is a skill. It is crucial to honestly see things from the other person's point of view. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires. Appeal to the nobler motives. Dramatize your ideas to make them unforgettable and convincing. Throw down a challenge, something for the other person to live up to. This appeals to the ego and desire to be important.
A leader's job includes changing people's attitudes and behavior. Here is how to be a leader in a nutshell. Always begin with praise and honest appreciation. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly and very discreetly. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Let the other person save face, give them a way out. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Use encouragement to get results. Make any fault seem easy to correct. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
This is an excellent book within the realm of learning, developing, and using people skills. So many of us lack this level of tact and finesse, most of us would do well to read this book and put its principles into action. I believe all readers will get the money spent on this book back a thousand times over in the value it adds to your life if you put these principles in action and refer back to it before important conversations take place in your life. I give this book five stars and two thumbs up.
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Reviewed in the United States on November 27, 2007
This book should be required reading for anyone who works with other people. Despite the quaint and slightly humorous title, it provides powerful lessons in management and interpersonal skills, and is the best book on the topic I have ever come across. Some reviewers criticize the book for being "dated", because many of Carnegie's examples come from the early 20th century. I think this is irrelevant for two reasons. First, the author was using examples from the time in which he lived and worked, and second, it really wouldn't have mattered if he used examples from the ancient Roman Forum. Humans are social animals whose basic interactions, wants, and needs have not changed appreciably for thousands of years. Indeed, I believe this book is more valuable today than it was in Carnegie's time. When it was written, face to face interpersonal skills were more highly developed than in our era of home schooling, computers, video games, cubicle jobs, and the increasing isolation (desocialization) of individuals in our society. While many of his lessons may seem like "common sense", this type of common sense is woefully lacking today, even among people in management. Perhaps it seems like common sense because Carnegie's writing style is clear, concise, pragmatic, and to the point. It is devoid of the jargon and psychobabble so common in later books on the subject (Did jargon and psychobabble even exist in 1936?).
For example, Carnegie points out that yelling at and deriding a coworker or employee we are unhappy with (or to use a modern example, sending a nasty E-mail) may make us feel good (I told him/her a thing or two!), but from a strategic point of view is often a disastrous choice. In a business setting, it is much like throwing a hand grenade at someone across a small crowded room. We usually hit our target, but also involve innocent bystanders and cause a lot of damage to ourselves as well. Carnegie offers several alternatives to situations like this, and many examples. Suffice it to say that I personally wish I read this book years ago, and highly recommend it.
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Reviewed in the United States on September 18, 2013
This is one of those books that everyone has heard of, many people have made fun of and few have actually read. Like the Atkins Diet, many people took a few things that they heard from someone who heard from someone else and declared "This is the truth of this book." After all, how many of us have the time to really sit down and read a book, especially one we know we really should read. We tell ourselves, "Yeah, but..." I don't have time, my boss just doesn't understand, I'm just shy, or the world isn't fair. These are the excuses we use that stand in our way.
Yes, you might be shy, you might have a fear of public speaking (and that is one of the most common phobia's) or you might just be scared. What if one book could help you overcome that? Help you become a better communicator? And, help you make friends. Not that this is easy. Dale never said it would be. But, if it was easy, everyone would do it.
This book can help you, just as the title promises. After all, no-one truly believes they are a bad person, just as everyone wants to feel important and appreciated. This book can help you with that. This can make you a better teacher, parent, manager, salesperson or even help you get that promotion you truly do deserve.
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